


how loud your heart gets

by rosemalings



Series: about the great unknown [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Emotional Sex, M/M, Pining, Unbeta'd, baekhyun wants a smooch, enlistment blues, lapslock, seriously a lot of emotions, tsun minseok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-01-24 02:51:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21331069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemalings/pseuds/rosemalings
Summary: minseok is too subtle for his own good and baekhyun finds himself constantly desperate to fill the space between them with words, as if conversation is enough to keep them tethered.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Series: about the great unknown [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621507
Comments: 9
Kudos: 53





	1. a place no one would ever find us

he doesn't mean to miss him so much. he doesn't mean to do anything really. it's not as if he'll never see minseok again considering how close his new apartment is and considering that they're deep in rehearsals for the last run of their magical circus tour. 

it's a shame, baekhyun found himself thinking, that they couldn't perform as a whole group before his enlistment. it never seemed to be anyone's priority with the other promotions looming over them in the distant horizon. somewhat shamefully, he delights in the fact that it's he who gets to spend those last performances with him. in this instance, perhaps he's allowed to be selfish. 

it doesn't ease the ache he feels as he sits on the floor of minseok's still-mostly-empty apartment, watching him run a swiffer over the gleaming tile floor for what seems to be the millionth time that afternoon. he's allowed to be selfish, he reminds himself as he doesn't bother fighting that little smile that settles on his lips, because it's so rare these days that he gets his hyung all to himself.

"you missed a spot, hyung."

he's been good, honestly. for as long as he's known minseok. to be accurate, he's been good for as long as he's known that he's had _ feelings _ for minseok. it tends to manifest itself in relentless teasing, pushing his elder to his limits in front of cameras, in front of the audience. everyone delights in it, their cat-dog relationship. in their trio, jongdae, content to _ not _ be the object of teasing, doesn't seem to notice.

"i wish you told me you were coming over. it's supposed to be ready by filming day," minseok bristles but not really because baekhyun can already see his expression softening as he leans the swiffer against the corner using both of his hands. he eventually settles on the edge of the rug, a perfect and small package with his knees pulled up to his chin.

purposefully, baekhuyn nudges himself forward, shoulder brushing shoulder. "you can't avoid me if it's just the two of us," he points out, which earns him a sharp look.

"i'm not avoiding you. i'm talking to you now, aren't i?"

"you're not kissing me," he points out helpfully, not quite making a retort. he keeps it playful, a laugh laced through his words even if there's no one else to see them.

minseok's dark eyes narrow even further and he instantly knows he can see through the unwieldy facade, which just makes him swallow around the worried lump in his throat. "and why should i?" which stings but it's to be expected considering minseok, considering his tidy nature, his desire to have a place for everything with everything in its place.

baekhyun flexes his fingers around nothing, itching to reach out to him but talking himself out of it. he's messy in comparison and the lack of organization drives the other up the wall whenever they have to share rooms on the road, which delights baekhyun to a certain point until he wants to win his approval all over again. for once in his life, he doesn't know what to say, his gaze dropping from minseok's face to settle on the floor, on the thick, geometric rug minseok has chosen. the black and white pattern is hilariously exo, hilariously sm offices, yet still perfectly minseok and the opposite of whatever baekhyun would choose for his own future place. it's too familiar, but as he runs his fingers through the long pile rug, he can't help but think that it's perfect for him.

without prompting, minseok reaches over, fingers nudging the collar of baekhyun's oversized hoodie away to get a glimpse of the dark purple bruise, splotchy against his pale skin. those fingers are small and cool and he can't help but shiver at the slightest touch, maybe too touch-starved for his own good. "i'm still sorry about this," he murmurs, curving his hand around the back of his neck as he might during a concert. instead of using it to get baekhyun to settle, he instead brushes his thumb back and forth against the offending mark, uncovered by makeup.

given the opening, he doesn't let him pull away, sliding his own hand over minseok's thigh to gently keep him in place next to him, before he gets any wild ideas like washing his dishes for the fiftieth time. "i like it," he declares with a cheeky grin. softly, he adds, "no one's seen it but you." considering the field day netizens had with the last gift an ex-girlfriend left on his neck, he's at least taken a page out of his hyung's book on subtlety.

but if xiumin is quiet, minseok is too subtle for his own good and baekhyun finds himself constantly desperate to fill the space between them with words, as if conversation is enough to keep them tethered. 

"only a fool pulls that kind of thing before his hyung's enlistment," minseok points out in return, but he's smiling again, dainty fingers sliding from his neck to cup his cheek. "idiot."

given the second opening, baekhyun draws him in even closer with one hand on the small of his back, forehead to forehead, his fingers suddenly curled into minseok's shirt. "you like it too," he challenges him, eyeing him carefully. that expression is unreadable and he wants to shake him for it, for being _ like this _ , for being so _ minseok _. "hyung…"

* * *

the earnest change, the lack of playfulness in his voice is what pulls minseok out of his thoughts and he leans forward to tug at the collar of his sweater once more, exposing a bit of his collarbone in the process, so he can lean forward to brush his lips against baekhyun's bruise. he hesitates when he actually feels him tremble beneath his touch, the weight of his body, but doesn't move from where he's tucked his face into the younger's neck. 

for years he had denied it, the special attention he received, the public teasing that went beyond making their fans squeal with laughter. there was no question that he had been his favorite, eager to grab his attention during concerts, ending ments. he remembers the distinct giddiness in the other then it had been agreed upon that they could form the next unit with jongdae. baekhyun has always been driven, a brilliant idol in his own right, but seeing him work even harder creatively was –– moving.

baekhyun's long fingers move into his ash brown hair, drawing a soft groan out of him, a sound that's almost foreign to someone who hasn't cared for dating as often as the other members have been. he's the one they go to for advice, the one who gives pointers on subtlety, keeping everything under wraps lest they find themselves in another scandal. 

it's minseok who holds baekhyun at arm's length, encouraging him to pursue the attentions of beautiful, clever girls. but it's also minseok who makes special room for baekhyun when no one else seems to be looking, the one who comforts him when things are difficult. fans don't speak often of their friendship save for those who read into their public interactions, the way they laugh and tease each other relentlessly. they might be onto something but he won't be giving anyone the satisfaction of being right.

the fresh bruise is kissed, licked gently as if to soothe but really to make baekhyun shiver under him, more sensitive than he lets on. it's minseok who initiates but it's baekhyun who hastily, impatiently tugs on his hair to draw forth another groan, to pull him back up so their lips can crash messily, full of everything neither of them are ready to express. it's heated, desperate, moans bouncing off the empty apartment walls. he sucks baekhyun's pouty bottom lip into his mouth, watching as it bounces back up on release with a satisfying pop. for all their training, they lack finesse, minseok slotting his leg between baekhyun, baekhyun trying to sneak his hands under the other's shirt. knocked off balance by their different goals, they tumble onto their sides, bursting out laughing against each other's mouths.

baekhyun's laugh is loud and hearty underneath minseok's breathier giggles. the kid is sneaky, given an inch and taking a mile as his hands explore the definition of muscle beneath his shirt, drawing it further up his torso. his muscles clench beneath his touch and he finds himself drawing the other's leg over his hip. the heat lingers between them, hidden in their locked gazes even as he sweeps his fingers over his cheek. 

"hyung, let me stay over," he insists between kisses, little pecks between words. "please. please, hyung –"

again, he grabs the back of his neck, gentle as always, settling the other's frantic energy for a moment. "fine. but no promises."


	2. we were children, now we've grown

baekhyun barely registers minseok getting to his feet and extending his hand to help him up soon after, barely realizes that they've made it to his bedroom which has thankfully been set up already. the first few nights in the dorm without him had been –– odd, to say the least, empty in a way that he hasn't felt in a long time.

he walks backwards until the backs of his legs hit the bed, never taking his eyes off his hyung with that unreadable expression, lips drawn into a thin line while his own remain parted in wonder. they have kissed before, experimented with each other a few times in recent months. or maybe it's just been weeks. it's all new and fresh in his mind and baekhyun might just be a little too thrilled to finally get what he's been wanting for years, even in increments.

minseok very carefully guides him back onto the mattress, one hand pressed against the small of his back until he's sure that baekhyun is safe against the sheets. they begin to carve out their own paths over each other's bodies with baekhyun overeager in every sense of the way, breathless in his kisses as his hands return to their original place underneath minseok's loose shirt. his fingers start at those glorious abs, no longer showing them off to screaming fans, but exploring them for himself at much closer quarters than he ever has before. how can someone with such a soft, round face feel so hardened below his neck? he wants everything all at once, only slowed down by those tender kisses the other leaves along his neck, the two of them side by side, nose to nose, perfectly fitting against each other.

minseok makes it very clear what he is and is not ready for. each time baekhyun's hands drift closer to the waistband of his black sweatpants, he gently brings them back to his chest or his face even as his leg slots between baekhyun's denim-covered ones.

he hasn't always known minseok to be confident. they were all so uncertain when they were first starting, but he's seen his confidence grow with each powerful dance move, with each line sweetly sung. he's still surprised by how sweet his kisses are, how soft his lips feel. minseok holds him and kisses him like he's something so very precious, not like the loud, seemingly heedless young man he has become.

"_hyung_," he starts, silenced only by the way minseok pulls his bottom lip between his teeth again, the simple motion sending him reeling, unable to help the way his hips roll up into him.

"just this," the older murmurs, pulling away as baekhyun curls his tongue around nothing. _don't do anything rash,_ he secretly means. the look on his face is tender, his round cheeks flushed, and baekhyun feels so warm and dizzy just looking back at him. everything around them is so uncertain, but he has never felt surer of the way he feels when they're wrapped around each other like this. minseok's hands are soothing as they dip beneath the hem of his hoodie and sweep back and forth over his back, briefly exposing his skin to the cold air of his apartment. he's forever soothing in ways that baekhyun instantly responds to and he isn't sure what he'll do with a couple of years without his constant presence.

"okay."

and he's happy for that, happy to be close, to have him all to himself. minseok lends him sleepwear and keeps a spare toothbrush for him and they fall asleep together in the quiet of the night, in the cool darkness, small and perfectly sized for each other.

* * *

minseok hadn't meant to break down. he's always been so good at keeping it together, rarely crying in public, at concerts. seeing the other members had taken him by surprise despite toying with the idea during rehearsals. none of them were obligated to attend – they had their own final festivities planned anyway.

jongin, one of the last to speak and hug him, had been such a comfort, smiling softly and wrapping him in his arms and enveloping him in his larger frame, secretly dropping a kiss to his temple. his eyes were welled up with tears but he hadn't missed that quiet sadness in baekhyun's eyes, the way he pulled his lips into a thin line from where he stood nearby.

he asks baekhyun to wait when the event is over, when all the photos have been taken and he's barefaced and mostly tidy though in need for a shower. a series of expressions flit over the younger's face before he settles into a small smile, nodding in agreement and waiting by the door to his dressing room.

baekhyun doesn't cry in public either, the last he could faintly recall before their most recent cbx concert being when tao was set to depart the group. it's an image that hasn't quite left him, as hard as he tried to avoid even looking at either him or jongdae during their "paper cuts" performance. the waver in his voice, the way he cracked and stopped singing the last of his lines altogether, it nearly shattered minseok's closely-guarded heart though for weeks he hasn't been sure of what to do with it.

the members don't question baekhyun spending nights here and there at minseok's apartment though chanyeol had teased that the whole idea of the apartment was for minseok to have his own space to be by himself. but he doesn't mind, he doesn't give in to the teasing, but he welcomes him into his space because transitioning into finally living on his own has been more difficult than he anticipated.

they load into the last car saved for just the two of them and in the darkness of the vehicle, he slips his hand into baekhyun's as they drive towards his place again.

"you did well, hyung," he starts earnestly. "you could be a soloist if you wanted to. you should have done it before me! maybe not all ballads, maybe something cool and classy –"

"this kid," he laughs in return, squeezing his hand. "you mean _your concept_?" baekhyun's wide, toothy grin is visible even at night and he shrugs his shoulders in silent response to that. "let me just look forward to your solo, okay? dream up concepts for me later."

"you'll suit anything, minseokkie, even though i know you like being in groups more." he pauses with a purse of his lips and minseok knows to wait before continuing. "you should be confident like that all the time, hyung. just by yourself. it was cool to watch."

and that just has him blushing, his cheeks burning hot quite suddenly, ducking his head and trying to dodge the way baekhyun immediately darts a hand out to feel his cheek in satisfaction. "hey!" but it's all in good fun, a balm from the melancholy air that has settled between them as they speed towards the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl this was meant to be a medium-horny foray into kpop fic but has turned into a feelings-fest. not sorry whatsoever. the song that's been acting as inspiration is "how loud your heart gets" by lucius.


	3. reasons you and me should talk about the great unknown

minseok is rarely ever hesitant about the decisions he makes, especially as he has rounded the corner into a new decade of his life. enlisting was, of course, a national requirement, but he was resolute about how he was to spend his last few months as a civilian. it is difficult to do any such thing quietly as a celebrity of his stature ( pun intended ), but each little thing is so much more meaningful to him, as unsentimental as he claims to be.

as they enter the elevator to his apartment, he laces his fingers through baekhyun's and hopes that the warm press of his palm against the younger's is reassuring. where silence is when he feels quite comfortable, he can sense all those words on the tip of his friend's tongue as his lips silently begin to form words before he presses them into a thin line. the whirr of the elevator gears is loud enough to provide some sort of distraction from their lack of conversation and the ding seems to come as a relief to baekhyun.

"are you hungry?" he asks as he unlocks the door, pushing it open with one hand and turning the hallway light on with another. 

baekhyun immediately presses in close to him, even to simply toe off his sneakers, discard his cap, and slip his feet into a pair of guest slippers he has occupied for the last however many weeks. "no. no, thank you. i ate before your stage," he assures him with a wave of his hand. 

minseok hangs his jacket on the hook by the door when he finally closes and locks it behind him, watching baekhyun shuffle further into his apartment to sit on the edge of the couch cushion, knees pressed together in a proper way that is so unlike him, it almost makes minseok laugh. there's a different energy pulsing through him than he's accustomed to, but he is very certain of the driving force behind it. so he sits right next to him and lets baekhyun slowly pull his arm around his own shoulders and sink into his hyung's embrace as his lanky arms wind themselves around minseok's waist.

"i cried during your new song," he admits quietly, leaning back against him, pulling his legs onto the couch so they're both comfortably cuddled up together which seems to put him at ease. "isn't that stupid? kyungsoo even said so himself, it's not like you're leaving the country. but it just feels like everything's changing all over again, like when we – when we stopped being twelve."

he nods, swallowing around the lump in his throat and presses his cheek against the top of those flattened brown locks. "it's not stupid. you can be sad over all of this," minseok hums thoughtfully, curling around him a little more. "you can be sad you won't see me as often. that we won't perform together for a long while."

"you should've gone out with everyone instead of listening to me whine."

"we're spending the whole day together tomorrow. and ... i thought you wanted this too."

baekhyun slowly looks up at him, resting his hand on his cheek and running his thumb over minseok's cheekbone. "i do, hyung." and minseok _ knows _ baekhyun is about to say 'because i never get you all to myself' which they both know is a lie at this point and since they both know what's coming, it makes them laugh quietly, eyes crinkling, noses wrinkling.

playfully, he presses his lips against the other's, baekhyun's mouth plush and willing against his. "i know you've been waiting," he continues, meaning for it to sound earnest and not at all like the sultry, breathy way it becomes because baekhyun, given another opening, wants to dive right into the kissing. minseok tries to catch up this time, mouth falling open, running his tongue along the seam of baekhyun's lips before their tongues meet and they both sigh.

the younger has always been a touch taller than him, wiry and slender compared to the bulk minseok has amassed over the years he's focused on transforming his baby weight, but baekhyun somehow feels small in his hands when he carefully climbs into his lap, straddling his hips, hands pressed against his shoulders. affectionately, he wraps his arms tightly around his waist and sits up, still smiling ear to ear with his head tipped back so he can see the way baekhyun's shy smile explode into a full blown toothy grin that takes up his entire face. "_ aigoo _, you're so heavy," he teases, giving him a solid squeeze around the middle.

"because –" a kiss, or three interrupt the sentence before it's really begun. "because i'm eating all the rice and sweets that i can before i have to work out!" he reaches down between them to squeeze that little tummy hiding underneath his hoodie, which makes minseok all the more determined to kiss it later. 

"it's cute," he insists, teeth teasingly grazing his parted lips as he speaks against them, "you're cute, every inch of you." his hands dip underneath baekhyun's sweater, wasting no time in tugging both hoodie and shirt over his head, leaving his hair sticking up in all different directions. _ cute. _ even better that this kid looks so proud of himself, perched up there on his lap with a blush now beginning to dust over soft, milky skin. minseok's hands graze over his sides before settling on his skinny hips, fondness creeping into his own gaze.

* * *

being cute is something that comes with being an idol but when minseok calls him cute, he can't help but feel pleased to be the recipient of such praise from the one member who tends to withhold it. it's different. it's a wonder he's managing to keep it together because he's still doubting that minseok actually _ wants _ to sleep with him after weeks of heated kissing and the occasional nights of sneaking into the bathroom to relieve himself of the pressure of _ wanting _ him so badly without wanting to push him into anything that makes him uncomfortable, trying to play it cool because even in his late twenties, he still wants to look cool in front of the eldest.

he stops talking and kisses him the way he's been kissing him for a while now, wholeheartedly and with everything he has to offer him. now that he's shirtless, baekhyun is all too aware of how cold it always seems to be in minseok's apartment, but the shivers are from the way he's being touched this time, overly sensitive from _ wanting _ so much.

minseok smiles up at him adoringly and his heart aches to the point of near-bursting.

"bed?" he suggests and baekhyun nods silently, slowly standing up and extending his hands out to help the other to his feet. they cross the apartment together, though not without baekhyun looping his arms around him from behind, the weight of him slowing them both down as he drops playful kisses along his neck, eventually working that shirt off him so he can look at those abs he likes so much. he can practically hear minseok _ think _ the words ' _ this kid _.' 

minseok undresses him with such care that he's already stuttering half-formed words as he lays back against his cushy mattress, dainty hands undoing his jeans, tugging them down his hips, even taking his socks off with them. his own sweatpants follow, leaving them both in their boxer briefs, and baekhyun is already reaching for him like a needy child.

of course he looks ethereally beautiful like this, barefaced, silvery grey hair hanging in his face as he crawls over the bed to settle between his parted thighs. ( it's the kind of service minseok is quite good at, appearing exactly as the frost fairy that the fans imagine him to be for his last event. ) he surges up to capture his lips, their mouths sliding hotly together, threading his fingers through the hair he knows will be shorn and dyed black in a few days. 

"hyung," he manages when he opens his eyes again to find minseok sucking little wet marks to life along his neck, his torso, souvenirs that he'll keep momentarily until they fade away or someone decides to cover them up with makeup. minseok smiles almost deviously before he lowers his head to his chest and licks kittenishly at a nipple which draws out a very desperate sigh that turns into a moan when he pulls it between his teeth. together, they tug down his underwear and he's half-hard already, curling towards that stomach minseok is quite lovingly kissing before lowering himself between his legs and curling his perfect little hands around the length. "_ hyung _ –" 

"can i?"  
  
" _ yes. _"

baekhyun sees stars when minseok laps at him, first running his tongue over the length and working him to full hardness before fully wrapping his mouth around him. his needy mewls fill the room, one hand gripping the blanket beneath him, the other gripping minseok's hair without pulling too hard. it's hard to stay still even underneath his weight, squirming, back arching, a heel dragging along his hyung's spine.

_ god _, he feels good, his mouth hot and sinful in a way he honestly hadn't expected of him, taking him in deeply, letting him fuck into his mouth with tiny undulations of his hips. he's giving, carefully noting everything they had briefly discussed beforehand when he finally told him he was ready. he dips his head lower, nipping along the inside of his thigh before he sucks him down once more, making baekhyun keen for him.

"m-minseok," he stammers with a tighter grasp of his hair, "i swear i'm gonna – i want you first …"

he lifts his head, letting him fall out of his still-open mouth. "already?" minseok isn't teasing, surprised at how quickly baekhyun is to dial up. when he gets a needy whimper in response, he immediately crawls up his body to reach for his nightstand, pulling his drawer open to grab the still sealed bottle of lubricant. with careful hands, he unwraps it, spreading the lube over his fingers to warm them before he very slowly reaches between baekhyun's cheeks, running his fingertips along the seam.

he's ready. he is so, so ready for everything minseok wants to give to him and even if it's been a _ while _ since he's had sex of any sort, he opens himself up to him easily with each slide, each pump of those beautiful fingers, still touching him like he is something fragile. baekhyun is unashamed of each noise he makes, especially those louder groans that let him know he's pushing every button that gets him going. "i – i won't break, hyung."

"i know," he says and smiles as he presses a little kiss to his hip, which almost makes him want to cry it's so sweet and so perfect.

looking up through the haze that's settled over him, he doesn't even realize that minseok has opened a condom wrapper, that he's even taken his underwear off. baekhyun has seen him naked hundreds of times, starting with those early days of wanting to shower with everyone so he could break down the barriers with the members who had already known each other for a while. in the dim, surprisingly warm light of his room, he knows he's going to remember minseok as he is right now, smiling and careful and still utterly sexy. he's going to lose his mind over all of it. 

with an open-mouthed smile, he reaches over to pluck the wrapper from his hands, sitting up to first kiss him, sliding his own hands to pump him a few times, raw and just enough to make his eyes flutter shut before he rolls the condom onto his ready, already weeping length. 

"you – you ready?"

he nods and slides closer into his lap again, rising onto his knees and lifting his ass so he can guide minseok to his entrance, so he can slowly seat himself over him as they press their foreheads together and make soft little noises of pleasure, fitting together the way they should be.

"_ baekhyunnie _," minseok groans, burying his face in his neck again, against the spot where that first bruise used to be. his hands slide over his soft thighs, gripping his ass to encourage him to start moving. 

his hands forge paths over minseok's skin, over hardened muscle, over the smooth planes of his back, one hand sliding up his spine and into his hair, the other curled into his shoulder so he can rock into his lap, bouncing enough to make the bed squeak quietly beneath them. he feels _ so good _ surrounding him and he fucks himself on him like it's the very last bit of minseok he will have before they are forced to part ways for however many months. he fears the abandonment, that things won't be the same when they see each other again if minseok's breaks align with days he's actually in the country.

minseok lifts his head and they kiss sloppily, all tongue and teeth with none of the finesse they've had after getting to know each other intimately. he presses his hands against the small of his back, guiding him to stretch out beneath him, making sure his head's nestled amongst his pillows as he hovers, looking so much bigger. baekhyun's eyes are blown black with lust, widening when he realizes how much he likes seeing minseok tower over him like that.

the change in angle has him whimpering, hot hands sliding over his back so he can grab his ass and press him deeper into him, legs falling open.

"baekhyunnie, i love you."

the words fall from the other's lips so easily in the heat of the moment but they both pause their movements, staring back at each other for a suspended moment until his greedy fingers thread through frosty hair, tugging him down for an equally greedy kiss.

"i love you, hyung, i _ love _ – i love you," he utters the words like a prayer, encouraging him to go deeper, faster, more more _ more _ ––

he knows minseok is close, and he would have been far gone if he wasn't so absurdly sentimental enough to want to hold out so they finish together, gripping each other's hands to keep them both tethered this time. with each final thrust, he cries out for him, the noise settling into a soft titter as minseok spills into the condom, his hips rolling, rolling until he starts to feel a touch overstimulated.

"hyung," he laughs breathlessly, brown hair matted and clinging to his sweaty forehead. "hyung, please …" with a cheeky curl of his lip, minseok kisses him lightly before pulling out, leaving him loose and spent, tying and tossing the used condom into the little trashcan nearby. instantly, baekhyun wraps every limb around him, clinging to him and pulling him close to his naked body so minseok resists every urge to instantly clean up. "just a second."

he feels small again as the older wraps one arm around his back so they lay chest to chest, his small hand brushing his damp bangs away from his eyes. he does the same, mirroring each stroke of fingers through his hair. 

"we have all night," minseok reminds him gently, kissing the corner of his mouth. 


	4. going going going going to get you

laying there, staring up at the ceiling, the open blinds from minseok's window casting shadows across the room. baekhyun turns his head to see the other's sleeping form still there beside him, solid yet so very small, little fingers curled into his pillow, frowny lips parted slightly. his heart swells and he nudges close beneath the downy sheets to gently take that hand, guiding it to curl around his cheek instead, as if they had spent the night tangled in each other. ( baekhyun isn't upset that they didn't – they had learned years ago that minseok was surprisingly just as restless as he was while sleeping. ) a thousand thoughts run through his mind and he struggles to keep up with any of them –

what does this mean? where do they go from here? how is he supposed to step into this next phase of his life and career without him? even laying in bed as he lets his eyes close for a moment longer, he can already see minseok smiling, being reassuring. the plans the company has for him are exciting, entering this new global era but...

"you have always been a favorite," minseok says later when he runs his espresso machine for them both and baekhyun can't seem to ever let his thoughts marinate for a second longer for they simply come out in a rush the moment he sees the other has regained consciousness. he says it so matter of factly but baekhyun can't help but feel a pang of guilt anyway.

"hyung –"

he waves his hand, the other stirring the sugar into baekhyun's latte. "let the other side of the world see you the way people do here."

baekhyun pouts instantly, wrapping his arms around him from behind and burying his face in his neck. minseok swears softly at being jostled but he doesn't care, wanting to be close. "it's a good thing, isn't it? a very good thing. but i don't like the idea of going anywhere without you and the others. you should be there, minseok, you and junmyeon hyung and –"

"and you'll have jongin and taemin and the rest." he turns in his arms, smiling and letting a little sadness creep into his expression, abandoning coffee in favor of pulling him closer. "so exo won't get the world tour we've wanted but you can represent us out there. _ aigoo – _" minseok chuckles airily, pressing his palms against baekhyun's puffed cheeks. "have some confidence baekhyunnie. it's not like you to dwell."

"but hyung…" he trails off between his hands, lips puffed out instead.

"but what?"

"what – but what about me and you? i thought – i thought after all of this –" he stammers around his sentences, shaking his head as his cheeks are released. there it is, the core of the problem rising to the surface.

minseok nods, seeming to understand. he's quiet for a few beats, stroking his fingers through baekhyun's hair, the repetitive motion and affection soothing him. he kisses him and speaks in a voice so soft and almost hesitant, but baekhyun knows this is a voice meant just for him. "is this what you want? having me?"

baekhyun lifts his head, shaking his worried spell again momentarily with a cheeky grin. he's right about all of it. minseok is often right, but he is _ especially _ right in this instance, and he knows that his anxieties are all muddled up now, that he is capable of doing so much more than being the group's mood lifter. thoughts of work dissipate when he realizes what minseok is confirming in his own way and that makes his heart soar. after years of friendship, months of pining, and somehow he has finally managed to win kim minseok over. true to form, he returns his hyung's evasiveness with his own quip. "always wanted a sexy military boyfriend."

that earns him a scoff as minseok spins him out of his arms and swats at his rear to push him out of the kitchen "go sit. the coffee's getting cold."

* * *

when minseok is allowed some evening access to his digital devices, he spends his time talking to his folks and old friends, touching base with the exo group chat, listening to "un village" on repeat. when basic training is over, he finds himself in a national musical with some of his respected elders. enlistment brings a change of pace that has some benefits, as baekhyun expected, such as the tidiness and the routine. being surrounded by newfound friends helps ease the ache of being away from home and work.

when he steps out for a celebratory drink with kim minseok, the actor, he opens his phone to over a dozen delayed text messages from jongin, sent at various hours throughout the day, a photo sent by sehun of vivi cuddling sejeong, and a few sweet notes from his secretly nervous boyfriend.

> « minseokkie, it was weird watching myself act as leader in the american interview posted today! when did i become the responsible one? i swear i must have looked for junmyeon beforehand …
> 
> « our stage went well! isn't x-exo sexy? i hope you show your abs when we get to perform this together~~
> 
> « i miss you <3

minseok chuckles to himself after sending a few encouraging message to the group chat before moving onto their private conversation.

> ¬ baekhyunnie, i watched your interview just now. so mature and well-spoken. who is this leader here?~~

without hesitation, an ellipsis appears in the messaging app, much to his delight.

> « it's all a ruse. i was quiet because i had to speak in english!
> 
> ¬ don't be ridiculous!
> 
> « i have a confession to make, hyung. i sometimes picture your hand on the back of my neck, keeping me in line. happens more often these days.
> 
> ¬ you do?
> 
> « i told you missed you didn't i? ^^

he leans back in his barstool and grins, shaking his head. _ this kid _. the next part comes easily to him, perhaps because it's somehow easier to convey these thoughts over text than it is in person.

> ¬ i love you, baekhyun. be good without me. 
> 
> « i love you hyung. counting down the days until your next break. 

as minseok smiles at his phone, at the gentle teasing in their chatroom, at the various promotional photos he had saved to his phone the second the boys had access to them, and more importantly, at the selfies that he and baekhyun had taken in his apartment that day. his chest feels light despite the longing. there is very much an empty part of his heart since he had slowly and reluctantly given that piece to baekhyun. but baekhyun, despite the physical distance, will never hesitate to reassure him that it would be protected at all times. perhaps that is the greatest challenge of it all, trusting in him and in _ them _ while leaving some things up to chance. he can't control the direction of their relationship nor can he guarantee its success.

baekhyun doubts himself and his own leadership skills, but he doesn't doubt that minseok will care for him and the part of his own heart that he had willingly given over that morning months ago. discreetly sweeping his thumb over one of the photos, over the image of his boyfriend's playful pout as they press their cheeks together, minseok realizes that this is all he needs, that this is what will keep them afloat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! the kudos, comments, and clicks are much appreciated.


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